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April 21st, 2015 Feel And Deal

April 21st, 2015 Feel And Deal

I've discovered I can still be under general stress with work, finances or anything else life throws my way, and simultaneously feel genuine excitement about what I'm doing in taking exceptional care and about where I'm headed. It's noteworthy because there was a time when I thought everything needed to be perfect in my life before I could somehow experience success with weight loss. How does a lifetime stress and emotional eater successfully lose weight? 

Turning to food for comfort and escape became my solution for most everything. Only if my back was up against the wall or I felt cornered would I actually deal with something head on. This pattern resulted in a bunch of unresolved issues over the years and it kept me "comfortably" in the 500 pound range.

One of the many epiphanies helping me get started on this weight loss path in September 2008 was the realization that losing weight would require putting down my shield. I would need to feel and deal with things in a different way. Deep down, I knew the excess food wasn't helping anything. I wasn't eating for it to help. I was eating as an escape to something pleasurable, a distraction from the unpleasurable. Food helped me do that. But it didn't help the issues creating the stress and emotions in the first place.

Food isn't a therapist. 

Once I fully appreciated and understood this and what it meant, I really thought--okay, that's it, I'm fixed!! I'll never do that ever again!! Well, famous last words, huh? 

A combination of emotional issues and stress overwhelmed me after maintaining my initial weight loss for a year and a half and just like that, I intentionally ignored the truths of what I had learned. I stopped being accountable, I stopped writing, I turned my back on support, I stopped caring about whether or not I was handling things appropriately and I started isolating...and eating.

Some of the powerful epiphanies along this road cannot be forgotten. As in, you can't un-know them. You can't see and experience the truth, then ignore the truth, without the truth nagging at you every step of the way. Someone once said, "recovery is a buzz kill." Very true. I could no longer wallow in pure unadulterated oblivion, doing what always came natural, without constantly being reminded of what was really happening.

Tomorrow morning is my 52 week weigh-in and Thursday will be Day 365 of this turnaround from relapse and regain. I've learned volumes more about me over the last year. I've learned about what it really means and feels like to apply a sacred level of importance to this recovery process.

In order to be successful, long term, I must give the elements of what works for me the same reverence an alcoholic in successful recovery gives theirs.

I thought I realized the power of support before, but oh wow, I've been gifted an entirely fresh and powerful perspective on the importance of giving and receiving good support.

When I say "I'm excited about where I'm headed," it's for so many different reasons than before. I'm not most excited because of a new pair of jeans that will fit soon. I'm not most excited about some hot new romance someday. I'm not most excited about the success of my future projects or the desire to eventually make writing, mentoring and public speaking what I do full time.

Nope.

I'm most excited about once again approaching maintenance mode, and this time with a grounded and completely different perspective firmly rooted in solid recovery principals. With an understanding and full appreciation that I'm never cured. Relapse and regain humbled me in a most beautiful way. I needed the experience. I'm grateful.

My Tweets Today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

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