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April 22nd, 2015 Weigh Day Edition-One Year

April 22nd, 2015 Weigh Day Edition-One Year

Today was my 52 week weigh-in. Before we get to that, I thought I would go back in time to April 19th, 2014. That date was ten days after I stepped on the scale to see 394 staring back at me. It was happening. My worst fears were manifesting, quickly, with the encouragement of regular binge episodes, I was heading back to 500 pounds.

I was regularly trying to get a handle on it, but it was as if my hands were covered in grease. I couldn't get a solid grip. I would be okay, do well for a few days, even log my food, then crash, binge and give up, again, until something grabbed my attention, again.

This turnaround from relapse and regain over the last year has proven to be the most transforming for me, mentally and emotionally. Physically, too, sure, however--aside from the internal health benefits, the outward physical transformation in appearance is truly the least of it all. 

Let's go back to April 19th, last year...

There's an interesting psychological dynamic that unfolds when you lose a dramatic amount of weight and then gain some of it back, or a lot of it back.  I'm convinced this dynamic is exactly what makes successfully losing again seem more difficult. Suddenly, it becomes much more than controlling our calorie budgets, exercising and paying attention to our emotional state and the accompanying triggers. 

Now, we must do a little more "mental work" as we do our best to get past the guilt, shame and embarrassment associated with weight gain and put our focus squarely where it's most benefiting. This dynamic is powerful no matter if you blogged about your weight loss and wrote a book or not. 

I was in line at the grocery store the other day, fighting the urge to grab a dose of sugar, when a man came up behind me in line and said, "Sean Anderson, I read your book. You've gained some back."  

Two things happened in that moment: 1. I immediately lost any desire to grab a Snickers bar and 2. I felt a rush of guilt, shame and embarrassment.  Now, most people operate with a better set of filters. This scenario has played out more than a few times, but usually the other person doesn't vocalize the obvious.  Even when the obvious isn't stated, I'm real good at deciding exactly what they're thinking. The silent-mental conclusion is always much more harsh and unforgiving and likely inaccurate.

How will I ultimately overcome this added obstacle? Perspective. Shifting my perspective is paramount to my success today. 

Inventory time!  This is where I make a list of good and not as good, qualities...and you know what? I'll spare you the self-indulgent list and cut to the chase: Turns out I'm a pretty decent guy. Yay for that! 

I'm human. I'm real. I don't know everything. I'm always open to learning.  And the things I'm learning now are things crucial to my long term success.  I'm not saying weight gain after a dramatic loss was a good thing, but if I shift my perspective around I can clearly see where I can learn from and benefit from this experience.

As this blog moves forward, I'm going to get into more of a "diary" type mode, much like in the beginning. Less "here's what I think" and more "Here's what I did and am doing." I'm excited at the idea of getting back to the roots of this blog.  Back to a diary in the purest sense. 

You see, I tend to suffer from paralysis by analysis. I try to understand things from every angle, take it apart, dissect the elements, reach conclusions, maybe write about my personal philosophical conclusions and then when I struggle, it's back to the drawing board.  We can study ourselves and learn, learn, learn--the applying part is the critical step that's often times hindered by the exhaustive analysis. 

Much like advice I've given a hundred times to others: It's time to stop trying to figuring everything out and just do. Just be. And be okay. And move forward.
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I'm incredibly grateful for this entire experience, even the relapse and regain. Without this path, I would have missed out on the good stuff. The stuff I needed to learn, the stuff I needed to appreciate.

And there's still more stuff to learn along the way as I proceed toward maintenance mode, quickly, with the encouragement of the fundamental elements I hold sacred each day.
photo One20Year20Weigh20Day_zpsyanatql9.jpg
Another 5 pounds down for this three week period, bringing the 52 week total to 152 pounds.

Days like today send me into a heightened sense of focus and determination. I do better at my job, I reach out more, offering and receiving support, I eat well and exercise in a crazy fun lip syncing zone where I block out anyone and anything around me and I just get deep into the music. I swear, the regulars at the Y probably think I'm crazy. And that's okay. I'll be the crazy guy who lip syncs on the elliptical and takes pictures while refilling his bottle of water, all day long.  

I'm also aware that not every day will be like this day. It's never been a constant string of great days. And when the blues come a callin' again and everything seems off center and on tilt, it'll be up to me to lean on my fellow travelers for the critical support I need to make it to another great day.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

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